When feelings numb…
When you’re bent over your knees in a sudden heap that nearly causes you to lose consciousness in a comforting heat that flows through your senses to no end. When you’re heart is racing so fast it pains to keep all the pressure inside and you cling to anything in a desperate vice like grip in order to keep yourself from falling. Actions always did speak louder volumes than words. When the birds and the bees are flying in unison towards the light in the sky that blinds you so easily and you wonder if they’ll ever come back to a place called earth. When the soft petals that cling to a tree’s branches sway with the wind and allow themselves to lose their grip to flow down to the little green hairs that shoot from the roots of the soft ground. Stories never needed narrators to be told. When the breeze carries the millions of particles that we take for granted and fills our lungs with an empty substance that allows us to breath life we don’t deserve. When our hearts pump the very blood flowing through and through our veins every two weeks just to keep an embodiment of pointless waste at bay. Science never did reason the purpose behind a life. When you’re standing still…
When life moves around you and all you can do is watch like a still rock neglected all your life. Stomped on, pushed around, kicked dead in the face, and forgotten in a lonely world so big that actions always did speak bigger volumes than words. Where stories that weren’t spoken or written were lost. Where science needn’t explain the meaning of a spirits life. Forget everything. That bitter emptiness you clung onto all these years, forget it all. Because, while life may be moving around you, and all you can do is watch. I’m here now, standing still with you.
I’m standing with you, letting my feelings numb over my body from the tips of my fingers to the soles of my feet. I’m with you, feeling that same vulnerability as my knees feel like they’re giving out while my consciousness wants to believe that this is all a dream and I need to wake up. But, it’s not. And, I’m standing with you with my beating heart as it feels like it needs to spread its wings and rip through my heaving chest just to get some air. But it can’t. I’m with you, ignoring the birds and bees as fate decides they want to go high up to another planet in the sky where nothing can bother them. Like us unbothered. I’m standing with you, embracing the slow breeze that gently brushes off the little bare skin I have on me and the welcoming sound of chiming leaves as they sing against one another; whoosh. I’m with you, breathing the same air you are as it circulates through our systems in a dance that floats to the edge of our stomachs and refuses to let us be, like butterflies. It’s maddening. And, I’m standing with you, feeling your heart against mine beat poems after lullabies after pouring emotions that make me want to realise and accept that there is a purpose behind my life, and that life does have meaning.
Because, you’re no longer the roughly battered and bruised rock that’s been brutally neglected. I’ve tossed you down the high river where time and patience is your only friend, and the water has smoothed out your rough edges and aloud you to shine through what used to be a used tool. Coal. While life moves around you now, you haven’t a care in the world, because I’m standing with you. Protecting you from the footsteps that so eagerly tried to stomp on you, pushing aside the people that so readily attempted to fake those smiles just to push you away to let you fall to a place where you were so easily forgotten. I’m here for you. And, as we stand as one today, I feel strong.
This warmth that acts like a protective case waiting to burst and rip every inch of misery on our bodies seems to simply grow with every waking second that ticks by the grandfather clock. And we’re waiting. We’re waiting as your fingers intertwine with mine, an invitation I take with a warmth that seeps through my wounds and makes me forget everything. The soft skin that seems almost impossible through your cold body fills me with a joy that no tongue can express. The way your fingers caress and playfully dance around in my hair and sooth my back makes me melt into your heart that much more. And just when I think you’re done, you hold me closer, tighter. A sense of comfort washes over me like no other. Our breaths soft and steady, the rise and fall of your chest like a form of therapy against the side of my face. I’m listening, your heart beat starts to elevate as if planning to do something, only I can’t help but wonder, what? A sense of panic emerges, a whimper as you begin to pull away just slightly. Reluctantly, I glance up letting my grip on your shirt soften slightly. Before words allow themselves to pour from my tongue, you silence me with a delicate finger to my lips.
I wonder if our time is up. It’s only a moment later that I realise how much stronger we stand together, arm in arm. A smile graces your face and I can’t help but wonder how much power that face has over me, because I smile too but inside I’m soaring through tidal waves that couldn’t be measured if anyone tried. No, we’ve only just begun. And the rest becomes a jumbled up blur, because I can only remember seeing a white cloud wash over my mind as it attempts to formulate some conclusion as to what we’ve just done. I’m falling into you deeper, deeper, and deeper still. I’ve lost myself in your protective warmth and can’t get out. Your lips; soft, warm, so innocent I can’t help but chuckle a little at the contact, and your smile widens; I can feel it. And you don’t stop. Yes, we’re powerful together and the world doesn’t stand a chance because as it’s zooming by us, we couldn’t care less. Who would? And if the world decided that its only resolve to separating us today was by ending itself then we’d still be strong. Because we’re at a level of peace where true happiness is flowing through our veins today.
Standing still never felt so right…
What is the difference between an escapist and a realist shoved into the corner of pessimism feigning ignorance? Did you finally decide to cross that gray line?